boingerhead

I know the moment I went from pro-choice to anti-abortion.

In a college English class, we had to write a theme on "hypocrisy." One student wrote an essay that opened with a girl attacked by a man who left a baby on her stomach. She took the child to the police station and was there given the option to keep it or just have it killed. The point was clear - how can one claim to be pro-Life if one makes exceptions for cases of rape and incest? Either you value life - all life - or you don't.

I had never thought about it like that. When the subject came up, I was a socially-compliant feminist who was "pro-choice but didn't believe abortion should be used as birth control." That was acceptable. That smoothed feathers. That kept dialogue closed and conversations superficial. My friends and I didn't talk about abortion. There was a tacit understanding that it was ok if we needed one, but that other girls who had one were whores. We weren't whores, but only because we somehow never got pregnant or contracted a disease.


I didn't volunteer my changed stance, but neither did I shy away from the topic as I once did.

"What about rape?" a friend asked me recently. "What about incest? What about the mother's life? Wouldn't you rather a child be terminated in the womb rather than be born into poverty or abuse?" 

The problem with that argument is that most abortions aren't preceded by tragic or violent circumstances. In a USA TODAY article posted last winter,

Planned Parenthood of Illinois clinics performed an all-time high number of abortions in January, many of them motivated by the women's economic worries, said CEO Steve Trombley, who declined to give exact numbers.

The article goes on to detail women who are ending desired pregnancies because they cannot afford the child.

Anecdotally, I can tell you of three women I know who routinely have abortions. One has had four since I met her five years ago; another has had seven. They are on the pill when they can afford it and have abortions when they cannot. Every time they tell me they are "going to Miami" [code] I want to scream.


As for preventing a child from living a life of poverty and abuse, I'd rather the child [and his mother] be given a chance. I'd rather we shower our children with good schools, good nutrition, and good health care. I'd rather child care wasn't so cost-prohibitive. I'd rather a lot of things.


I know the moment when I went from anti-abortion to I-don't-know-what-I-am-except-glad-it-isn't-me. 


A responsible, loving woman I have had the privilege to call friend for years called me. We were both pregnant. She started the conversation excited. By the end of it - and I still don't know quite how this happened - she had decided on abortion rather than be forever tied to the man she'd been trying to leave for years. 



I'd never be in her shoes, I realized. This may be a black and white issue, but I am not a black and white person. I can say that I do not believe abortion is morally acceptable act, but I also have to say that I do not believe women who have abortions are morally unacceptable humans.


I know the moment I decided to leave it in God/dess's hands.

I was attending a mother during her childbirth when she started to cry. She asked me to send her husband out of the room for ice. When he was gone, she confessed to me that she'd had an abortion when she was in high school and she had thought she was over it. She was not. The rest of her labor was spent grief counseling in between contractions. By the time her son was born, she had excised some of those personal demons and been 'reborn' so to speak. It's difficult to explain. That remains one of the most intense and cathartic births I've ever attended.



My husband asked me what I think of all the Tim Tebow hoopla. If you don't know, Tim Tebow is the star Florida Gators quarterback entering the NFL draft this year. His mother was recommended to have a late-term abortion in the interest of her own health. She didn't and now the world has Tim. It's a happy ending story that could have gone the other way, and now Tim and his mother are doing a pro-Life commercial during the Super Bowl.

Personally, I think it's the wrong venue. I think Tim and his mother become the message instead of their cause. I think I don't want to discuss abortion with my nine year old during the Super Bowl any more than I want to explain why bikini-clad women are hawking beer [but I will, I do.] I think I don't like being preached to.

I also think it's good to open dialogue. I think if somewhere, a woman decides to consider options other than abortion because of Tim Tebow, than that's a life saved, a life changed. Hopefully, for the better.

But when it comes down to it, the question of abortion remains just that for me. A question.

EDIT: I saw the ad. Totally benign. You have to go to the website to figure out the point of the ad.

I welcome your comments and questions, but I do not welcome criticism or cruelty.

Female2Female Random Meme

This is what my husband did when I told him my period was late. 

That's right, he pretended to be dead.  As in, I am killing him! 

It didn't really matter because twelve hours later I started like I got shot in the crotch, but you know, for a couple minutes? I got a little dreamy. I took the baby and maternity clothes I'd set aside for the Women's Center and put it back by the twins' dresser. I resigned myself to driving a minivan. 

I may have picked out a name. Maybe even two names (twins run in my uterus, you know.)

I started figuring out how we could make it work. I mean really, at this point, we're just throwing more kids on the pile. If my bigg'ns hadn't had the misfortune to inherit my lack of musical skill, I'd have my own money-making Von Trapps. They also inherited my unfortunate lack of athletic capability, so left-handed pitching it out, too. 

But you know what we're good at? Being really damn cute. Is there a cap on the amount of cute the world needs? I did not think so.


Anyway, I was late. Husband was freaking out in his silent, manly way.

But later, when he was done being a jackass, Husband came to bed. He put his hand over my abdomen and said ever-so-softly, "another baby with you wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."

Sigh. 

I lay there awake a long time. I was so certain I could feel a little flutter way down deep. Even though it must have been the chili, I was happy. I was excited. 

I was...embarassed. Jeez, I thought. Everyone is going to think I am a hornball rabbit woman with no self-control. This is so irresponsible. The twins are barely one year old. Christ, twins! I could have twins again! With my luck, it will be triplets. The Octomom jokes are going to be unbearable. I can bear it though. If I can bear triplets, I can bear another nine months of stupid jokes about my fertility and life choices. 


Then, I cried a little. But then, I was happy again. A baby. A whole other new little life. 


I figured out how I'd break the news to my family (I was going to keep it a secret forever) and my boss (maybe he'd think I was just letting myself go) and our friends (they'd definitely think I was letting myself go.)

I got up for a drink. I went to the bathroom. I sighed. 

No baby.


And that's ok, I scolded myself. It would be the height of irresponsibility for you to have another baby while Husband is in college and you have TWO freaking babies still in diapers.

I think this was an exercise in caution and compassion, because a few days later my good friend told me she was pregnant with her fifth child. 

That hornball rabbit woman.

One hours ago...I was eating fried chicken made just for me and looking into the bright, smiling faces of my children who love me so much.